Expectations are everywhere. No matter who you are, where you come from or what group(s) you identify with, expectations are always present. It can be hard to fill so many shoes and put on different faces everyday. Expectations are not necessarily bad, they can allow us to be challenged and grow but sometimes they can cause a heavy weight on our shoulders. Being a part of any community, you're going to find yourself trying to live up to some standard and many times, being a part of a church family isn't any different.
I don't think churches (most of them, anyway) are trying to be destructive when they place expectations on their members. Especially in places where people may look to you as a role model, mentor or example, it is not unreasonable for a church to say, "hey, this is how our church wants to be represented..." Considering the fact our actions speak louder than words, it is important to be vigilant about maintaining a lifestyle that aligns with what you believe. However, no one is perfect and we are all hypocrites from time to time. Now here is what expectations are NOT supposed to do: conform you and mold you into someone you are not. Sure, things about you may fall to the wayside as you pursue Christ, but that's not the church working in you, it's your relationship with God that's developing you.
The more I found myself trying to fit a mold and conform to a popular consensus, the less successful I was. I have realized the more I just am the person who God created me to be, the more favor I find and the less frustrated I become. People are drawn to authenticity, not to a fabrication. You don't have to be anything other than yourself. The passions that drive you, the things that inspire you, the things you're interested in - are all things that you should be using to minister to others. It's almost as if you don't have to try because it is flowing out of who you are naturally. You don't have to do things a specific way because your peers or colleagues do it one way. Use what YOU know! Use your own creativity! I have spoken of this several times, but when I think of this concept of changing the world out of who you are, I think of Moses in the Bible. Many already know the story, but here you have this man who grew up in privilege because he was drawn from the water. He watched day in and day out with pain in his heart as his own people were enslaved, until he could not take it anymore and he reacted by killing a soldier who was beating a Hebrew slave. Out of fear, he fled and eventually established himself in a new town and could have lived the rest of his days in mediocrity. Until one day, God led him out of his mediocre day-to-day, isolated him and then commissioned him to save the very people his heart broke for. Of course God would help him fulfill the task, but together, they would change the lives of people forever.
Think about it, out of who Moses was, God fulfilled his passions. Moses could have settled with his life in Midian and to be honest, probably would have died there somewhat contently, but he would have never lived out his purpose. A lot of people miss the mark in life because they settle for what everyone else is doing or wants them to do. God gives us the desires of OUR hearts, not someone else's heart for us. Be bold about who you are and represent it proudly. Each person represents a different facet of the church universal, so you were meant to add and when you add something that means you are bringing something to the table that wasn't already there. You, as you are, were meant to add - not conform. BE YOU because you are beautiful, original and have something to offer!
The past few years have been an interesting time in my walk with Christ, droves of ups and downs and insecurities have crept in. Never have I doubted God, yet I have felt a distance and for awhile I have been attempting to pinpoint, justify and cast out confusion about where I got lost. My story is not that of the prodigal son, but I felt lost in the sense of belonging. It was not until this past Sunday in church, the culprit of my frustration was exposed. The pastor spoke about how the world and even the church will tell us that if we "do" enough, it will grant us worth and along with that worth comes belonging. I understand that it is not by our works we are saved but by grace; see Ephesians 2:8. What I do understand about culture though is that we all want to belong somewhere and at many times will do what we need to in order to gain acceptance. I have never struggled with the thought about God's love for me or even self-worth but belonging is in a category of its own and rooted in caring about the perception of man.
I became a Christian about 7 or so years ago and never once have I regretted that decision, I am grateful for the new life and second chance I have been given. Most people who have known me for any length of time, would definitely agree I have changed for the better and hardly resemble the girl I once was, except for some goofiness I still can rock. When I became a Christian I certainly had a zeal to share about my new found faith and perhaps I lacked some wisdom in that zeal but the important thing was I had passion, joy and conviction. I went on to pursue ministry and did a 2-year internship with a church and it rocked my world- probably the second best decision I made in my life for it built a foundation of truth in me and I got to walk out my faith by serving. The problem started to arise upon my completion of the program and I had to be released into areas I was called to. I somewhat felt abandoned and without direction; I could not spend as much time serving within the church because I had gone back to college and had to work full time which also meant working Sundays as well. I began to have thoughts of negativity, thinking that I was only useful to the church if I could be there all the time. I placed my worth within the church and the measuring stick I used to calculate that worth with was by my works and since my works within the church were not what they use to be, my worth diminished. This was my thought process and it continued to be fed when I felt certain relationships become more distant. This made me feel alone; the only other community I wanted belonging in was the snowboard community and in many ways I did not fit in with that either so what is a girl to do?
I started creating worth by trying to create ways to serve without the church, almost to validate myself as a still active Christian despite not being able to go to church as often. Let's be honest though, that did not work because yes, the church is a building but I need the people who are the church. My epiphany hit me Sunday that I have been gathering acceptance from the wrong sources. The day I accepted Christ as my Savior, I immediately belonged to Him and it is through Him I have been granted worth. That does not change from day to day if I am being a "good" Christian or not, but because I belong to Him I have adopted His character which compels me to "do". His love compels me to live selflessly, to love unconditionally and live by faith and not circumstance. Some of you may not understand, but for some, I may have hit the nail on the head. You already belong! It does not matter what your position or status is, your belonging that matters and bears any substance comes from your Creator. No one can determine the course of your life, even when you plan it out, it is the Lord who determines our steps so listen to the One who holds that design for your life; Proverbs 16:9. Let me say that I do believe in the local church with all my heart, it is important to have one you are a part of, but do not attach your identity and sense of worth to anything but Christ- that goes for anything else: jobs, finances, hobbies, etc... all are fleeting and temporary. If you place your worth in those and all of a sudden those are taken away, you are left with a sense of worthlessness. I love snowboarding so much, but who I am is not rooted in it because if for some reason I was unable to snowboard again, I would not lose myself or identity. As cliche as is sounds I belong to Jesus and nothing else matters.
