Expectations are everywhere. No matter who you are, where you come from or what group(s) you identify with, expectations are always present. It can be hard to fill so many shoes and put on different faces everyday. Expectations are not necessarily bad, they can allow us to be challenged and grow but sometimes they can cause a heavy weight on our shoulders. Being a part of any community, you're going to find yourself trying to live up to some standard and many times, being a part of a church family isn't any different.
I don't think churches (most of them, anyway) are trying to be destructive when they place expectations on their members. Especially in places where people may look to you as a role model, mentor or example, it is not unreasonable for a church to say, "hey, this is how our church wants to be represented..." Considering the fact our actions speak louder than words, it is important to be vigilant about maintaining a lifestyle that aligns with what you believe. However, no one is perfect and we are all hypocrites from time to time. Now here is what expectations are NOT supposed to do: conform you and mold you into someone you are not. Sure, things about you may fall to the wayside as you pursue Christ, but that's not the church working in you, it's your relationship with God that's developing you.
The more I found myself trying to fit a mold and conform to a popular consensus, the less successful I was. I have realized the more I just am the person who God created me to be, the more favor I find and the less frustrated I become. People are drawn to authenticity, not to a fabrication. You don't have to be anything other than yourself. The passions that drive you, the things that inspire you, the things you're interested in - are all things that you should be using to minister to others. It's almost as if you don't have to try because it is flowing out of who you are naturally. You don't have to do things a specific way because your peers or colleagues do it one way. Use what YOU know! Use your own creativity! I have spoken of this several times, but when I think of this concept of changing the world out of who you are, I think of Moses in the Bible. Many already know the story, but here you have this man who grew up in privilege because he was drawn from the water. He watched day in and day out with pain in his heart as his own people were enslaved, until he could not take it anymore and he reacted by killing a soldier who was beating a Hebrew slave. Out of fear, he fled and eventually established himself in a new town and could have lived the rest of his days in mediocrity. Until one day, God led him out of his mediocre day-to-day, isolated him and then commissioned him to save the very people his heart broke for. Of course God would help him fulfill the task, but together, they would change the lives of people forever.
Think about it, out of who Moses was, God fulfilled his passions. Moses could have settled with his life in Midian and to be honest, probably would have died there somewhat contently, but he would have never lived out his purpose. A lot of people miss the mark in life because they settle for what everyone else is doing or wants them to do. God gives us the desires of OUR hearts, not someone else's heart for us. Be bold about who you are and represent it proudly. Each person represents a different facet of the church universal, so you were meant to add and when you add something that means you are bringing something to the table that wasn't already there. You, as you are, were meant to add - not conform. BE YOU because you are beautiful, original and have something to offer!
How is it in a time in our history, where privacy is almost null with the emergence of social networks, technology and government surveillance, transparency has become a predisposed disposition? Humans are pretty crafty about choosing what they want the world to see or perceive. On the outside, our lives are capable of appearing perfect while the inside picture harbors a very different reality. Personally, one of the hardest things a person can be is transparent. Why? Because transparency opens one up to becoming vulnerable; vulnerable to exposed weakness, flaws, shortcomings and most importantly, the created self-image we want the world to see. In our culture today, the 'self' is very exalted. I mean, why else do we need social network sites such as Facebook, Instagram or blogger? We want the world to hear our thoughts and opinions. We want people to see our exalted lives, with the polish we add to it. (By the way, I am totally guilty of this, so do not think I am singling myself out or pointing fingers. We are in this together, friends.) But this blog is specifically for those who feel their life is a masquerade.
Now let me emphasize, transparency does not mean you have to publicly broadcast your inner conflicts with everyone you come in contact with. What it does mean, is not being afraid to be open and vulnerable to those whom you trust, i.e. spouse/significant other, mentor, best friend. Understand that hurt from being transparent can result, but in my experience, those who hold in frustrations, fears, addictions, etc... find themselves in deeper, darker places. Mold thrives in the dark, so do our emotions and fears. Blockading your feelings from those whom your supposed to put trust in, severs relationships and places a gap from real intimacy. I find this most important within a marriage or committed relationship. I have not been married very long at all, coming up to our 6 month anniversary, but I do have an understanding about relationships in general. Sequestering and harboring bitterness, fears, hurts and addictions will add more harm and leave you feeling very lonely. It is amazing what real communication and transparency can do. Many times it shatters perceptions and ignites a healing process never thought possible.
I have had seasons in my life where I dealt with strong personal struggles and the more I fought accountability and transparency with my confidants, the more tension it brought to our relationship and the more alone I felt. It starting warping my perception about their motives and their character until my subconscious came up with a totally different person. In hindsight, it is easy to see how deep I got in my battle against honesty and transparency but once I conjured up enough gumption to set aside how my exalted image would be perceived, I was set free from those pains. Those relationships that suffered some heavy blows became restored. Every single person on this planet, needs someone to be accountable to and to be open with. I do not care how strong or independent you think you are, it is a foolish notion to think you do not need accountability or forthrightness. If you are married, you absolutely need to be transparent with your spouse. Do not fight it in hope to keep a mask of perfection. Also, you do not have to live with your guilt, fear, addictions, whatever. Be honest with yourself; are you happy keeping a facade or would you be happier being who you are and having someone love you through it? Be bold. Be YOU. Be authentic in your relationships by being transparent. Love you all and pray you will find restoration and healing through the inner struggles. Oh yeah, one more thing; be gracious with other people's shortcomings as you would want them to be with yours. Remember, we are all in this life together.
"Confess your faults to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed" James 5:16
