Simplistic Thoughts

I Belong

Posted by simplisticthoughts , Tuesday, July 10, 2012 10:44 AM

The past few years have been an interesting time in my walk with Christ, droves of ups and downs and insecurities have crept in.  Never have I doubted God, yet I have felt a distance and for awhile I have been attempting to pinpoint, justify and cast out confusion about where I got lost.  My story is not that of the prodigal son, but I felt lost in the sense of belonging.  It was not until this past Sunday in church, the culprit of my frustration was exposed.  The pastor spoke about how the world and even the church will tell us that if we "do" enough, it will grant us worth and along with that worth comes belonging.  I understand that it is not by our works we are saved but by grace; see Ephesians 2:8.  What I do understand about culture though is that we all want to belong somewhere and at many times will do what we need to in order to gain acceptance.  I have never struggled with the thought about God's love for me or even self-worth but belonging is in a category of its own and rooted in caring about the perception of man.

I became a Christian about 7 or so years ago and never once have I regretted that decision, I am grateful for the new life and second chance I have been given.  Most people who have known me for any length of time, would definitely agree I have changed for the better and hardly resemble the girl I once was, except for some goofiness I still can rock.  When I became a Christian I certainly had a zeal to share about my new found faith and perhaps I lacked some wisdom in that zeal but the important thing was I had passion, joy and conviction.  I went on to pursue ministry and did a 2-year internship with a church and it rocked my world- probably the second best decision I made in my life for it built a foundation of truth in me and I got to walk out my faith by serving.  The problem started to arise upon my completion of the program and I had to be released into areas I was called to.  I somewhat felt abandoned and without direction; I could not spend as much time serving within the church because I had gone back to college and had to work full time which also meant working Sundays as well.  I began to have thoughts of negativity, thinking that I was only useful to the church if I could be there all the time.  I placed my worth within the church and the measuring stick I used to calculate that worth with was by my works and since my works within the church were not what they use to be, my worth diminished.  This was my thought process and it continued to be fed when I felt certain relationships become more distant.  This made me feel alone; the only other community I wanted belonging in was the snowboard community and in many ways I did not fit in with that either so what is a girl to do?

I started creating worth by trying to create ways to serve without the church, almost to validate myself as a still active Christian despite not being able to go to church as often.  Let's be honest though, that did not work because yes, the church is a building but I need the people who are the church.  My epiphany hit me Sunday that I have been gathering acceptance from the wrong sources.  The day I accepted Christ as my Savior, I immediately belonged to Him and it is through Him I have been granted worth.  That does not change from day to day if I am being a "good" Christian or not, but because I belong to Him I have adopted His character which compels me to "do".  His love compels me to live selflessly, to love unconditionally and live by faith and not circumstance.  Some of you may not understand, but for some, I may have hit the nail on the head.  You already belong!  It does not matter what your position or status is, your belonging that matters and bears any substance comes from your Creator.  No one can determine the course of your life, even when you plan it out, it is the Lord who determines our steps so listen to the One who holds that design for your life; Proverbs 16:9.  Let me say that I do believe in the local church with all my heart, it is important to have one you are a part of, but do not attach your identity and sense of worth to anything but Christ- that goes for anything else: jobs, finances, hobbies, etc... all are fleeting and temporary.  If you place your worth in those and all of a sudden those are taken away, you are left with a sense of worthlessness.  I love snowboarding so much, but who I am is not rooted in it because if for some reason I was unable to snowboard again, I would not lose myself or identity.  As cliche as is sounds I belong to Jesus and nothing else matters.