Simplistic Thoughts

Man, I Feel Like A Woman?

Posted by simplisticthoughts , Saturday, October 27, 2012 10:11 AM

Oddly enough, I received three comments this summer about my feminine transformation.  I am not sure statistically the odds of those occurrences but I would say it is enough to grab my attention.  These comments caused me to reflect several years back to a time when teenage angst consumed my identity whilst in pursuit of said identity.  Many of you reading this can clearly recall a time in my life where skate shoes and brands were my choice clothes, punk rock my musical selection, and my hair underwent a wide variety of color transformations most noticeably blue-black (which broke my mom's heart; her blonde haired little girl, gone).  Snowboarding was the only way of life and a skateboard always in tote, even though I never got all that good.  I never missed a party or a chance to have a good time or a good punk show.  I did not like a lot of things most people would consider "girly"; I hated purses (I carried a wallet), thought shopping was a waste of time, heels...you could forget about it!  I had friends that were girls but outside of those, I did not connect with a lot of girls.  If you didn't snowboard, skate or do anything that required getting dirty and the outdoors, in my mind, I had nothing in common with you.  The last thing I wanted to talk about was clothes, decorating, having babies and what my wedding day would look like.  And do not get me started on the girl's at parties that wore the most revealing clothes just to get the guys' attention.  If you did not have a personality to get you noticed, then I just felt bad for you because all you were going to get was "humped and dumped". Most of my friend's were guys because I felt most comfortable talking with them.  We could talk about football, snowboarding and other similar things.

When I became a Christian and started going to church, I felt the gap between other women and I widen even more!  I looked around and did not see another girl with piercings on their face, snowboard clothes or any indicators of those with an "alternative" lifestyle.  I was embarrassed of anything considered truly feminine.  I had created a lifestyle and mindset that because of the extra curricular activities I partook in there was not a whole lot of room for femininity.  I thought the idea of being feminine was a weakness and altogether bore a vapid exterior; feminine women were sheep and had no originality.  Slowly I conformed to being more of what I thought was a girl. I bought a pair of heels and more feminine clothes but still felt out of place and my mindset towards women had not changed all that much.  I learned to respect and get along more with other women who I did not initially have much commonality with.  Finally it hit me, I realized there had to be other girls out there that felt the same way.  Girls who loved the outdoors and sports, but did not have other female friends to share these interests with and much to my surprise, there were a lot of girls like this!!  So I started up groups like a girl's outdoor group and more recently within the snowboard community, collaborated with other female riders to create an actual unified and cohesive community.

For those of you who have known me within the last few years, you probably find this blog as a shock simply because I love hanging out with girls these days!  I do not care what your interests are or where you come from, I sincerely love being around women.  I have found there is a dynamic when women stop judging one another, comparing themselves or singling out based on appearance or interests.  I have learned to become comfortable and love being a woman!  I love shopping and clothes, but I also love the outdoors and do not mind rolling up my sleeves for hard work.  I have learned there is no ONE way to be a woman outside of loving yourself!  Enjoy who you were created to be and do not limit your thinking by contorting your ideas of what something should be.  Looking back, if I continued on my path of limited thinking, I would not have some of the friendships I have now because I would have automatically written them off.  How crazy is that?!  So in summation, I think people have commented on my transformation because I have embraced the beauty of womanhood instead of casting it off.  Plus, since my partying days I have dropped some pounds, so that may have helped, lol.  Either way, love being a woman, ladies--it is what you were born to be!  Much love to you all!  

I Belong

Posted by simplisticthoughts , Tuesday, July 10, 2012 10:44 AM

The past few years have been an interesting time in my walk with Christ, droves of ups and downs and insecurities have crept in.  Never have I doubted God, yet I have felt a distance and for awhile I have been attempting to pinpoint, justify and cast out confusion about where I got lost.  My story is not that of the prodigal son, but I felt lost in the sense of belonging.  It was not until this past Sunday in church, the culprit of my frustration was exposed.  The pastor spoke about how the world and even the church will tell us that if we "do" enough, it will grant us worth and along with that worth comes belonging.  I understand that it is not by our works we are saved but by grace; see Ephesians 2:8.  What I do understand about culture though is that we all want to belong somewhere and at many times will do what we need to in order to gain acceptance.  I have never struggled with the thought about God's love for me or even self-worth but belonging is in a category of its own and rooted in caring about the perception of man.

I became a Christian about 7 or so years ago and never once have I regretted that decision, I am grateful for the new life and second chance I have been given.  Most people who have known me for any length of time, would definitely agree I have changed for the better and hardly resemble the girl I once was, except for some goofiness I still can rock.  When I became a Christian I certainly had a zeal to share about my new found faith and perhaps I lacked some wisdom in that zeal but the important thing was I had passion, joy and conviction.  I went on to pursue ministry and did a 2-year internship with a church and it rocked my world- probably the second best decision I made in my life for it built a foundation of truth in me and I got to walk out my faith by serving.  The problem started to arise upon my completion of the program and I had to be released into areas I was called to.  I somewhat felt abandoned and without direction; I could not spend as much time serving within the church because I had gone back to college and had to work full time which also meant working Sundays as well.  I began to have thoughts of negativity, thinking that I was only useful to the church if I could be there all the time.  I placed my worth within the church and the measuring stick I used to calculate that worth with was by my works and since my works within the church were not what they use to be, my worth diminished.  This was my thought process and it continued to be fed when I felt certain relationships become more distant.  This made me feel alone; the only other community I wanted belonging in was the snowboard community and in many ways I did not fit in with that either so what is a girl to do?

I started creating worth by trying to create ways to serve without the church, almost to validate myself as a still active Christian despite not being able to go to church as often.  Let's be honest though, that did not work because yes, the church is a building but I need the people who are the church.  My epiphany hit me Sunday that I have been gathering acceptance from the wrong sources.  The day I accepted Christ as my Savior, I immediately belonged to Him and it is through Him I have been granted worth.  That does not change from day to day if I am being a "good" Christian or not, but because I belong to Him I have adopted His character which compels me to "do".  His love compels me to live selflessly, to love unconditionally and live by faith and not circumstance.  Some of you may not understand, but for some, I may have hit the nail on the head.  You already belong!  It does not matter what your position or status is, your belonging that matters and bears any substance comes from your Creator.  No one can determine the course of your life, even when you plan it out, it is the Lord who determines our steps so listen to the One who holds that design for your life; Proverbs 16:9.  Let me say that I do believe in the local church with all my heart, it is important to have one you are a part of, but do not attach your identity and sense of worth to anything but Christ- that goes for anything else: jobs, finances, hobbies, etc... all are fleeting and temporary.  If you place your worth in those and all of a sudden those are taken away, you are left with a sense of worthlessness.  I love snowboarding so much, but who I am is not rooted in it because if for some reason I was unable to snowboard again, I would not lose myself or identity.  As cliche as is sounds I belong to Jesus and nothing else matters.