Every now and again, Facebook trends pop up and many people will follow along and before you know it, your newsfeed is filled with pictures. I don’t typically go along with these trends anymore but with this latest “How hard has age hit you?” one, I’d thought it would be funny to post because of some of the radical hairstyles I’ve had in the past. As more and more of my friends posted, and I saw the pictures they chose and the comments that followed, it sparked a few thoughts.
In November, I turned 34. I know it’s not old to some people, yet it is to some, especially the junior highers I teach. This has been the first age where age has been more on my mind. We spend so much time, money, and energy trying to fight looking our age (which I’m still trying to understand what a 34-year-old is supposed to look like). Lately, I feel like I’ve put more stock and pride into the fact that people are surprised that I’m 34. I still get carded a lot, and not the kind of carded where they’re being nice and say they have to card all people under 50. I’m talking the kind of carded where their response is sometimes actual surprise that they mistook me for being under 21. I’ve been mistaken twice now at my school for being a ninth grader (which honestly I don’t see that one). So, what’s the problem with all this? The problem is that when I’m not carded or get a huge surprised reaction, I get down on myself. I begin to see age as a problem and not a beautiful thing.
With this Facebook trend, I’ve noticed a few things. One, how people’s well-intentioned comments of “you’re still beautiful,” “you’re aging backwards,” etc. all insinuates that if you don’t age a certain way, it’s not beautiful. I also wonder how many people out there were afraid to post their before and after pictures because they see themselves as aged and old. When the matter-of-fact is, along with adults, teens are also posting pictures with heavy filters to hide their natural lines and flaws on their face. It’s crazy to think that teenagers, in the pinnacle of their youth, are afraid that they have anything but airbrushed skin. We wear make-up, get fake lashes, color our hair, pencil in our eyebrows, and all the other things to keep us from looking our age. I’m victim of this too. I also am guilty of looking at myself in the mirror some days and when I see the evidence of my age, I cringe. But why?
The Bible tells us that evidences of our age are crowns of wisdom. The evidence of our age shows that we are human and that we have experience, wisdom (hopefully), and that it’s all beautiful. Today, I am reminded to embrace and love the age I am because I SHOULD look and be different at 34 than 23. That doesn’t mean I have to start shopping in the “old lady” section of stores, or that I can’t wear make-up and use products that will help keep my skin looking “young.” What it does mean is that I don’t have to feel any less of a beautiful, empowered person because I might actually look my age, or if I get carded, or if I don’t look like the 11-year-ago-version of myself. You are beautiful. It’s okay to take care of yourself but don’t hate your age, don’t hate the wrinkles, don’t hate the weird jiggle under your neck (what is that anyway?!!). Instead love it because A) you are loved and B) you can try to change those things, but aging is happening and if you’re so focused on trying to avoid it all the time, you’ll miss the point of that age.
As some of you may have already known, a few weeks ago Matt and I went to San Diego. It was a work trip for him, so we made the best of our time together when he wasn't in classes. We enjoyed San Diego like any other tourist - we went to Coronado Beach, explored the Gaslamp District and walked up and down the boardwalk that wrapped itself around the San Diego Bay. One thing we did not predict was the reminder given to us as we met and conversed with the local homeless population. Now, I have worked with homeless on many occasions across this country, but to be honest, as of late it had been easier to ignore. I would still acknowledge our local homeless with a smile and sometimes a wave, but would justify my lack of giving. It became easy to ignore and forget the precious times I've had in conversation with homeless men and women.
In San Diego, the reminder hit like a freight truck and with that reminder brought a bit of wisdom. As Matt and I sat on a bench that overlooked the bay while basking in the sun and watching as boats and ships of various sizes passed by, our tourist moment was interrupted. Down the stairs, a man with a cane came and struck up a conversation with us. He was articulate, fairly joyful and from what we could surmise, he was genuine. His beard was peppered grey with remnants of red, his forehead perspired greatly under the hot sun although it wasn't enough for him to take off the jacket he was wearing. His hands were gritty and swollen, bearing the years of homelessness and a black widow bite he had gotten a few weeks before. As he introduced himself to us as Joseph, he looked us in the eye and asked if we would be willing to buy him a sandwich. How could we turn anyone down who asked us to put food in their stomach? The closest food place was a taco stand, so we told him to hang tight and we'll get him some food. As we returned, we gave him the bag of food that began an almost two hour conversation. I've never seen anyone consume food so tenaciously, which he later expressed that he hadn't eaten in a few days. He shared honestly about his struggles with a failed marriage, which led to an alcohol addiction and losing his job as a further result. He was an "Okie from Muskogee," who came to San Diego on a job lead that ended up falling through. Here he was - homeless in San Diego with failing kidneys, no family, a cataract in his left eye (which is why he needed a cane) and with little hope left.
Tears welled up behind my aviator sunglasses as I heard his story. I thought to myself, "how do people get to places like this?" How can this man not see how wonderfully and fearfully he was made? Dinner was approaching and we had to meet with some of Matt's work partners, so we told Joseph that we'd like to buy him lunch the next day and to meet us at 2:00 at that very same spot. That night, our hearts were heavy. We wanted to find a way to help Joseph. We took to the internet and searched a few different things based on our conversation with Joseph that we thought could help him reconnect with his family and get treatment.
The next morning, Matt had to attend his training classes and I continued to search for options to present to Joseph. When Matt had a break throughout his day's work, we kept to our end of the bargain and picked up a big BBQ brisket sandwich with a heap of potato salad for Joseph, we couldn't wait to see how excited he'd be when he opened the bag! We arrived at our predetermined spot ten minutes early and sat on the bench; waiting, praying and playing out the scenario in our heads. Two o'clock came and went and Joseph was not in sight. My heart sunk and broke. I wanted to find him. I wanted to tell him our ideas. I wanted to give him our gift.
Well, we had to do something with the food we bought and there were plenty of homeless along the boardwalk who would certainly be grateful for a meal. But how to choose? There were several to choose from just within our general proximity. We saw a young man off in the distance and had remembered seeing him a few times since our arrival. At first sight, he seemed unapproachable and kept his head bowed but Matt wanted to give to him. As we neared, he stood up and seemed a bit skiddish once he realized we were walking towards him until we greeted him with a cheerful hello and then he lit up. We told him that we wanted to give him lunch and he happily received the bag with a high-pitched "thank you!" We started talking to him and found out that his name was Bryan and he was Chula Vista. He asked us if we would pray for him, he said he prays everyday that he would have food. We spent some time praying for him and every time we thought we were done praying, he would have another Scripture for us to pray specifically over him. I thought, "how fascinating - this guy has so much faith!" He didn't ask us to pray that he would get out of his situation, yet that God would provide for his daily needs and guide him.
We left Bryan so he could eat his lunch and went on our way, with both of our heads spinning. As Matt and I walked and shared our thoughts about all that happening within and around us, we happened to see Joseph fast asleep on a grassy knoll next to another man that we could only assume was homeless as well. The sounds of horns, bicycle chimes and loud chatter didn't even bother the two sleeping men. We didn't wake Joseph, although we did actually wait for about 20 minutes to see if he would wake up because we didn't know if he was passed out drunk or not. In the 20 minutes, neither moved an inch. While sitting there I came to a couple revelations and I share this whole story because they surround this experience.
The first revelation was the gravity of what is missed when we don't show up for potential opportunities. Not giving Matt and I any credit or accolades AT ALL, but we were willing to do what it took, as much to our abilities, to help Joseph. Yet he didn't show up to receive a blessing that could have potentially gotten him out of his present circumstance. He remained asleep and in his present state. He continued with his routine-as-normal and lost out on a blessing. I realized in that moment that he may go the rest of his life believing that nothing will ever work out for him or that we just can't ever catch a break. He will never know what could have been! Now, you could say that we could have woken him up and given him all that we claimed to have wanted to give him but honestly, it didn't seem right. There's power in asking and seeking. There's power in showing up and following through. It was not like we were trying to teach him some sick or twisted lesson by not waking him up, but one thing I've learned about helping others is they have to want to help themselves as well. I wonder how many opportunities I, myself, have missed because of my routines or comforts.
My other revelation was about the power of asking. At this same time, I was reading a book that some acquaintances of ours recently wrote called Spiritual Seeds and it highlighted the power in asking. It was interesting to see the distinction between Joseph's and Bryan's forms of asking. Joseph outright asked Matt and I for food, in which we were able to provide for him. Bryan prayed daily for his "manna" and God was able to use us to provide him with his "daily bread." What he was ultimately doing, as he prayed, was seeking the Kingdom of God first. "Most of us live so far beyond our daily bread that we are lulled into a self-sufficient slumber about our asking" (Strain, 20). Both received what they needed for that ONE day, but something tells me that Bryan will have what he needs daily due to those daily supplications. "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you." Matthew 7:7
My point of all this is not to make Matt and I look like generous and compassionate people because remember, this was a slap-in-the-face reminder about the humanity behind the label of homelessness, but a charge for people to seek (aka show up) and step out of routines because you never know what blessing you could potentially miss. And lastly, when you're seeking, seek first the Kingdom of God and ask God because it's been in my experience that He's the only one who can deliver in the most unimaginable ways. Just a thought...
Expectations are everywhere. No matter who you are, where you come from or what group(s) you identify with, expectations are always present. It can be hard to fill so many shoes and put on different faces everyday. Expectations are not necessarily bad, they can allow us to be challenged and grow but sometimes they can cause a heavy weight on our shoulders. Being a part of any community, you're going to find yourself trying to live up to some standard and many times, being a part of a church family isn't any different.
I don't think churches (most of them, anyway) are trying to be destructive when they place expectations on their members. Especially in places where people may look to you as a role model, mentor or example, it is not unreasonable for a church to say, "hey, this is how our church wants to be represented..." Considering the fact our actions speak louder than words, it is important to be vigilant about maintaining a lifestyle that aligns with what you believe. However, no one is perfect and we are all hypocrites from time to time. Now here is what expectations are NOT supposed to do: conform you and mold you into someone you are not. Sure, things about you may fall to the wayside as you pursue Christ, but that's not the church working in you, it's your relationship with God that's developing you.
The more I found myself trying to fit a mold and conform to a popular consensus, the less successful I was. I have realized the more I just am the person who God created me to be, the more favor I find and the less frustrated I become. People are drawn to authenticity, not to a fabrication. You don't have to be anything other than yourself. The passions that drive you, the things that inspire you, the things you're interested in - are all things that you should be using to minister to others. It's almost as if you don't have to try because it is flowing out of who you are naturally. You don't have to do things a specific way because your peers or colleagues do it one way. Use what YOU know! Use your own creativity! I have spoken of this several times, but when I think of this concept of changing the world out of who you are, I think of Moses in the Bible. Many already know the story, but here you have this man who grew up in privilege because he was drawn from the water. He watched day in and day out with pain in his heart as his own people were enslaved, until he could not take it anymore and he reacted by killing a soldier who was beating a Hebrew slave. Out of fear, he fled and eventually established himself in a new town and could have lived the rest of his days in mediocrity. Until one day, God led him out of his mediocre day-to-day, isolated him and then commissioned him to save the very people his heart broke for. Of course God would help him fulfill the task, but together, they would change the lives of people forever.
Think about it, out of who Moses was, God fulfilled his passions. Moses could have settled with his life in Midian and to be honest, probably would have died there somewhat contently, but he would have never lived out his purpose. A lot of people miss the mark in life because they settle for what everyone else is doing or wants them to do. God gives us the desires of OUR hearts, not someone else's heart for us. Be bold about who you are and represent it proudly. Each person represents a different facet of the church universal, so you were meant to add and when you add something that means you are bringing something to the table that wasn't already there. You, as you are, were meant to add - not conform. BE YOU because you are beautiful, original and have something to offer!
Probably many of you have been curious as to why I helped start a local women's snowboard group called 'No Bunnies' and then turned around only to write for a magazine called Snow Bunny Magazine. A pretty contradicting move and seemingly hypocritical, especially to those who fought alongside me to remove the negative snow bunny stigma that men have placed on female shredders for years. I have to admit, at first, I was skeptical. The name certainly irked me but I was trying to keep an open mind. During the first several months of my involvement, I had gotten to know the faces and personalities behind the mag but I was not sure of its direction. I have learned to love being a woman in all of its diversity - there certainly is not ONE way of being a woman - but I had reservations about if this mag fit what I thought the snow culture and its women represented. Before the mag officially launched, we were doing fashion shows, photo shoots and bar hopping events, which really was counter to my own personality and interests. But after the mag launched and articles started coming out, I felt more comfortable with the vision and direction of the mag. Yet, I still fought accepting the title, because I did not want to be affiliated with such a negative stigma.
Then it happened. The subject of 'No Bunnies' came up in a meeting. It looked a little odd that one of the core staff members was headlining a local group that, in appearance, seemed to undermine the mag. At first, I was upset. Not because I did not see the contradiction, I understood where they were coming from. I was frustrated because 'No Bunnies' was something so dear to me. 'No Bunnies' helped give girls in our local snow community a place to gather around and identify with other women. It became a group that encouraged women to progress and helped garner a healthy competitive appetite. It unified our local women and created a close knit family; it was a place to recognize and praise each other for our accomplishments. I did not want to let go of the name because I did not want to seem like a sell-out. I sat down and really began to think about my motivations for this mag and what I wanted to add to it. I wanted to write about our local snow scene and women; I wanted to give women's issues a greater voice and a grander platform to showcase accomplishments. And yes, I wanted some of the perks that come with writing for a magazine (hey, I am being honest).
Misty brought up the fact that Snow Bunny Mag can do more for the snow scene in the long run than 'No Bunnies' ever could (and not in a condescending way). I mulled on this concept for a few days, while talking to various women, including other 'No Bunny' co-founders and here is what I have taken away from all this. Yes, I was embarrassed of the title 'Snow Bunny'. Myself and others have tried to avoid this stereotype for a long time and you know what? People are always going to stereotype and have fixed notions about particular groups of people, no matter how hard you try to avoid them. In fact, at the end of last season, I had a kid call me a "snow bunny" and meant it in a negative way, until I showed him up in the park. My point is, I choose to team up with those who care about women and the things they love, and not care about those who seek to tear others down. Snow Bunny Mag represents a vast array of women, from the stereotypical snow bunny to the hard core outdoor enthusiast. Who am I to tell a girl what kind of woman she should be? Sure, I want to encourage healthy self-worth and images, but when it comes to common interests, it's not up for me to say we all have to agree. If a girl wants to wear make-up and look all cutesy on the hill, it doesn't hurt me and ultimately, it is not my place to judge her for that. So if we have an article about waterproof make-up on the slopes, it has an appeal to certain women, maybe not to all, but to some it does. I have found that women do a great job at dividing themselves. We constantly compare, judge (even if it is secretively), and out-do one another instead of working on our acceptance, love and encouragement to one another.
So here it is, the title 'No Bunny' will be no more. Instead, I am changing the name to 'knoW bunny". The idea of the group will remain the same and you are more than welcome to call yourself whatever you want. I have decided that I am teaming up wholeheartedly with Snow Bunny Magazine because I feel it will give women the voice, attention and recognition they deserve. We have been thankful for all of your support, ladies. We hope to put on more women-focused events and continue to write about the awesome things that make up so many different types of women. I am blessed to have a diverse set of women in my life, it just shows how fearfully and wonderfully each one of us are made. As Misty has stated about the mag, "we're not a feminist magazine but a feminine one". Hope you all understand and share in this exciting next step for our local scene, I truly feel like this is a good move. Love you all so much.
Simplistic Thoughts
