I have to admit, it is somewhat surreal that I have completed this round of upper-division schooling. Several years ago if you had asked me if I was going to go back to school, I would have probably told you I was meant for travel and 'real-life' education. Looking back at my transcripts, it is rather comical and a rather telling story of a woman who underwent a supreme transformation. It humbles me because I know I did not do it alone. Many of you know I am a Christian, no big surprise there and many of you may expect a monologue of how God has changed my life. I believe though that actions speak louder than simple words, although words carry power. I think many of you who have known me for any length in time can attest to the changes made in my life. Some of you may deduce it to simple personal strength and overcoming negative 'energy'. Although I did have a part in all the changes that have been made in my life, for I am not a lifeless robot, I would be arrogant to discredit the power of Christ in my life and the wisdom I have found through His Word. I can say I have learned to accept, love, tolerate, challenge and stand upon my convictions more deeply than I ever did. It has not been a perfect journey and I have certainly blown it or have gotten 'carried away' with zeal, but life and our relationships, whether be spiritual or personal, are always growing and maturing. But I am here to give you some advice. Advice about school. Advice about education. And perhaps, if I am successful, some advice on life. Now mind you, this is MY opinion and what I have concluded based on the small bit of acquired wisdom I may or may not have accumulated over the years, I suppose you be the judge. So here goes it...
1). DO NOT go to college unless you are certain on what you want to pursue, unless you are extremely good at studies. When I graduated in 2002, I did what many high schools kids aspire/get pressured into doing: I went to college. I aimed at a double major in Graphic Design and Marketing and although I loved to draw, I did not have my heart in this degree nor with school in general. My priorities were focused elsewhere and all the while I struggled immensely with personal identity/purpose. Call it teenage angst or whatever you want, but that was my situation. Until I realized my worth and purpose, I approached education with a whole new tenacity! I could not get enough of learning! Do not get me wrong, homework got extremely annoying at times, but my attitude about learning changed drastically! I never saw myself as a teacher growing up, but once I felt called to that career, my excitement grew everyday. I cannot wait to get in a classroom! I know it will be challenging and I will make many mistakes along the way, but at the end of the day I will find fulfillment doing what I have been created to do! Many people are frustrated trying to pursue things that are not conducive to what they were created to do and as a result their self-worth becomes diminished.
2). DO NOT be afraid to challenge your professors or other classmates. Now this does not give you an all access pass to be a total jerk and only allow your voice to be heard. Let others share their opinions/beliefs/points of views with courtesy and share yours with the same amount of respect. IT IS OKAY TO DISAGREE! Your professor's word is not sacred nor is it always right. Challenge them but with respect and love. Be open to others, you may learn a thing or two, but know what it is you believe as well. It is amazing how easily one can be swayed or influenced. Stand firm but love genuinely.
3). BELIEVE in your ability to get the task done. I cannot count how many times at the beginning of a semester I would get all of my class syllabuses and ask myself how I was going to get everything done. But it ALWAYS got done! Take it day by day. Do not look too far down the semester but focus on the needs and demands of each week.
4). GET TO KNOW your professors and classmates. This is one thing I regret with school. I did not spend a lot of time visiting with my professors and getting to know them on a more personal level. They really do enjoy your time (or so they tell me ;)) so go visit them. It will also help you more in the classroom. Also, by getting to know your classmates, you can really find some amazing people to have great conversations with, thus sparking good friendships many times. You have a long road ahead of you, it makes it a lot less lonely if you have some pals to share your pain with! ha! ;)
5). CONVINCE yourself you are smart. Not the 'know-it-all' or 'condescending academic' type of smart but believe in your ability to critically think, analyze and interpret. You are smarter than you think. It does help though to read more, contemplate and discuss ideas and issues. Remember, the brain is a muscle so exercise it.
There you have it...take it or leave it. Just know, it is never too late as long as you are breathing and hey, if I can do it, so can you! Much love, friends! Thank you for all the support and encouragement along the way. Meaningful relationships sure make life so worth it! Below is some proof, just in case you thought I was blowing smoke up your pantalones.
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| My transcripts from my 2002-2003 semester (sorry took a pic w/ my phone off my computer) |
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| Transcripts from 2012-2013 (still waiting for grades from this last fall) |
There are many people in life that do wondrous things and do not always get the recognition they so often deserve. Why? Most notably, these types seldom seek affirmation for their deeds. Their work comes out of who they are and with motives to serve selflessly. I happen to know such an individual and am honored to say so. She has been a confidant to whom I owe much debt of gratitude. She is a pillar, a voice of wisdom and reason, and one of the most faithful individuals I have yet to meet. This woman many of you know as Glover, or as her name says on her birth certificate, Jennifer Glover (a little side note, you will always be Glover even when you get married). We have been on many adventures, through so many "seasons" of life and have seen the best and worst of one another. Your faithfulness amazes me, Glove. You push through criticisms, set backs, disappointments, and you do it all with fearlessness. You trust in God with all that you are and it is because of this, you have been able to remain steady and stand tall. You love the broken-hearted like none other I have seen. You do not fixate on cultural norms or what society says about success or beauty, but you love people unconditionally right where they are. You do not try to change people, yet you love them through their storms. You love those most people ignore and with a genuine heart. I believe your heart to touch and affect the world through missions and prayer will take place; if anyone can do it, you can!
I love the fact I got to live with you for three years, what a sight that must of been to outsiders! We were quite a team in all that we did; a dynamic duo some might say. The people we met and prayed for, the road trips we went on, my boyfriends you put up with ;) You are the truest friend anyone could ask for. We had Jerry's class together! Sorry for the random memories but as I write this, I meditate on all we have been through and all that we have experienced together and that is something I will never lose. You make imprints on people's hearts from the moment they meet you and you have forever imprinted mine. This is my living eulogy to you, my dear friend! Thank you for all that you are, not only to me, but to everyone you meet! Love you so much! Ruth 1:16
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| Mt. Baker, Washington |
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| Seattle, Washington |
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| Halloween 07, I believe. Wayne's World for life! |
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| Maid of Honor |
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| Glove's graduation from BSU 2012 |
How is it in a time in our history, where privacy is almost null with the emergence of social networks, technology and government surveillance, transparency has become a predisposed disposition? Humans are pretty crafty about choosing what they want the world to see or perceive. On the outside, our lives are capable of appearing perfect while the inside picture harbors a very different reality. Personally, one of the hardest things a person can be is transparent. Why? Because transparency opens one up to becoming vulnerable; vulnerable to exposed weakness, flaws, shortcomings and most importantly, the created self-image we want the world to see. In our culture today, the 'self' is very exalted. I mean, why else do we need social network sites such as Facebook, Instagram or blogger? We want the world to hear our thoughts and opinions. We want people to see our exalted lives, with the polish we add to it. (By the way, I am totally guilty of this, so do not think I am singling myself out or pointing fingers. We are in this together, friends.) But this blog is specifically for those who feel their life is a masquerade.
Now let me emphasize, transparency does not mean you have to publicly broadcast your inner conflicts with everyone you come in contact with. What it does mean, is not being afraid to be open and vulnerable to those whom you trust, i.e. spouse/significant other, mentor, best friend. Understand that hurt from being transparent can result, but in my experience, those who hold in frustrations, fears, addictions, etc... find themselves in deeper, darker places. Mold thrives in the dark, so do our emotions and fears. Blockading your feelings from those whom your supposed to put trust in, severs relationships and places a gap from real intimacy. I find this most important within a marriage or committed relationship. I have not been married very long at all, coming up to our 6 month anniversary, but I do have an understanding about relationships in general. Sequestering and harboring bitterness, fears, hurts and addictions will add more harm and leave you feeling very lonely. It is amazing what real communication and transparency can do. Many times it shatters perceptions and ignites a healing process never thought possible.
I have had seasons in my life where I dealt with strong personal struggles and the more I fought accountability and transparency with my confidants, the more tension it brought to our relationship and the more alone I felt. It starting warping my perception about their motives and their character until my subconscious came up with a totally different person. In hindsight, it is easy to see how deep I got in my battle against honesty and transparency but once I conjured up enough gumption to set aside how my exalted image would be perceived, I was set free from those pains. Those relationships that suffered some heavy blows became restored. Every single person on this planet, needs someone to be accountable to and to be open with. I do not care how strong or independent you think you are, it is a foolish notion to think you do not need accountability or forthrightness. If you are married, you absolutely need to be transparent with your spouse. Do not fight it in hope to keep a mask of perfection. Also, you do not have to live with your guilt, fear, addictions, whatever. Be honest with yourself; are you happy keeping a facade or would you be happier being who you are and having someone love you through it? Be bold. Be YOU. Be authentic in your relationships by being transparent. Love you all and pray you will find restoration and healing through the inner struggles. Oh yeah, one more thing; be gracious with other people's shortcomings as you would want them to be with yours. Remember, we are all in this life together.
"Confess your faults to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed" James 5:16
I can honestly say, with all my heart, I have been blessed with some amazing friends. I could spend days writing odes to the people I cherish but for today I want to single out a certain individual. I personally feel, we as humans, do not spend enough time telling the people we love how much they mean to us. It seems we save that for eulogies at funerals yet by this point it is all too late. Why not say living eulogies daily? Where they can have an impact on the lives of the ones we love. So this is my goal of the morning and perhaps the start of something more regular, even in my own life.
My living eulogy of the day goes out to Heather Fulfer. For those of you who are acquainted with this amazing young woman already know the amount of awesomeness she possesses. Spend just a small amount of time with her and quickly you will realize her hilarity, quick wit and immeasurable kindness. If you are having a bad day or just need someone to bring a smile to your face, she will find a way to bring light to your day. She is thoughtful of others and identifies quickly with your circumstances; bringing comfort without judgment. She has been through more trying circumstances than a lot of people I know, yet she does not make herself a victim or a hero. She walks through those trials with strength and steadfast assurance that her God will turn ALL things for the good. She goes out of her way for the broken and lonely. She cares for the unwanted and the elderly (which unfortunately can be both). Heather has a way of lighting up a room with her presence and can bring a smile to even the stoniest of hearts. Some of the craziest things pop out of her mouth, unguarded and untamed; sometimes having to take her foot out of her mouth but it is a characteristic I would never want to change in her. She is spontaneous and always ready for an adventure...or mischief. Need someone's house toilet papered or a drive-by mooning? She is your gal ;) Despite her fun-loving nature, she bears a deep authenticity. She does not have to be someone she is not to gain approval from someone or fit in. Accept her for who she is and she will love you unconditionally and walk loyally beside you.
Thank you for all you have been to me in my life, Heather. I could not ask for a better friend. Now, in return, I want you to wake up every morning and see all these things you possess. Look past any insecurities, scrutiny, shortcomings and anything else that may cause you to alter your perception of who you truly are. Continue in perseverance in your faith. At the end of the day, Christ is all that matters. The world and its opinions of you change from day to day, but His word never fails; His love never fails. Give in to the purposes of the Kingdom and ignore the criticisms of the day. Challenge yourself. Live fully and listen to His still, small voice. Remember the gifts, talents and abilities you were born to do, all you have are tools to work with but let Christ instruct you on how to use those most effectively. You are beautiful, worthy, talented, strong and bold! Always look forward. Sometimes the objects in the mirror of our past may look closer than they appear, but they are just that: our past. Love you so much and believe in you more than I can articulate on this page. I leave you with two quotes, both I am sure you have heard:
"Never let anyone make you feel inferior without your consent" -Eleanor Roosevelt
"The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1
So, as many of you all are well informed of by now, Matt and I got married December 29, 2012. After almost three months of pure wedded bliss (I know, we are old timers now), I realized I never did a wedding blog. I know, I know, sharing endless Facebook posts and pictures during the time wasn't enough to satisfy me nor did I think it was satisfying enough for you, the readers of this highly popularized blog. Although I kid around, I really do have some remarks regarding the experience of the whole night. Matt and I both realized our wedding day was the wedding we never thought we would want to have. We considered the whole court house wedding, not out of disdain for our family and friends, but we are both pretty laid back people, who didn't want to make a huge fuss over our decision to marry. Plus we did not want to impose the financial burden upon anyone. After talks with family (my mom), we decided to have an actual ceremony. I wanted the ceremony and reception to be relatively simple and I did not want it to cost a fortune. I personally think weddings are stupid expensive!
Once the wedding planning process unfolded, Matt and I were astonished by the support we received from so many people. People all over the place, offered time, money and talent to help with our wedding. We were so overwhelmed with gratitude. We knew these people loved us, but it really shows you the amount of love people have when they are willing to personally sacrifice in some way for you! I want to thank some of those people at the end, even though, almost all of them have already received a thank you card, I want to publicly recognize their efforts.
Star Barn is the venue we decided upon, because of its size and cost and it turned out to be a perfect venue, even for a winter wedding. My mother was the mastermind behind a majority of the decor and she did wonderfully. See, I was in school full time and trying to plan a wedding in four months (yes, I did that to myself) but she kicked butt in keeping me organized and on top of things. When the day did arrive, everything came together beautifully! I kept telling myself to not stress over the details but trust that all would fall into place and it did. It even began to snow as I was awaiting my grand entrance, that to me, was a little gift from heaven. Nothing could replace the love and experience of that night. Getting to be surrounded by those I love so much and getting to become the wife to the man of my dreams was a literal dream come true. And for those who have known me for quite some time, know that I was never the girl to plan my wedding or dream about my husband--this all was truly the night I never knew I wanted.
Special Thanks:
My parents: for all the support (financial and emotional), the wedding planning, letting me live with you guys while I was engaged and all the hard work you two put in. Love you so much!! This includes you Pat & Judy :)
Josh & Steph: for all the pictures you took Steph, for buying the meat for the wedding and helping with set up/tear down. And Jim and Josh for building our beautiful trellis!
Jack & Laury: Laury for making that beautiful cake and for your guys' help with buying the meat and help with set up/tear down.
Wade & Jody: for praying over us during communion and helping set up/tear down
Sean & Jess: for helping set up and tear down and Jess for being a bridesmaid
Jordan & Jess: for all your help throughout the process and Jess for doing hair for the bridesmaids.
Jake: for doing our marriage counseling and officiating our wedding
Randy: for helping the wedding weekend, you kicked butt with the details!!
Lori & Daria: For making all the bouquets for the bridesmaids and hosting the rehearsal dinner, all out of your own pocket. And your neighbors for helping.
Darrel & Heidi: for catering our reception and paying for all the side dishes!
Brittaney: for your help doing hair and helping with the details
Katy: for making all the invitations
Steve: for buying the keg for the reception
Marte: for praying over us during communion
Sarah T.: for making all my bridesmaids wonderful little gifts, they loved them!
and of course, all of our wonderful bridesmaids and groomsmen--you all were so wonderful and helpful with the whole thing. We love you all so much! And thank you to everyone else who helped, big or small, and came to our wedding. You made our day!! We could not invite everyone we wanted but we love you all too! Now, Costa Rican honeymoon in May! Stay tuned...
