Oddly enough, I received three comments this summer about my feminine transformation. I am not sure statistically the odds of those occurrences but I would say it is enough to grab my attention. These comments caused me to reflect several years back to a time when teenage angst consumed my identity whilst in pursuit of said identity. Many of you reading this can clearly recall a time in my life where skate shoes and brands were my choice clothes, punk rock my musical selection, and my hair underwent a wide variety of color transformations most noticeably blue-black (which broke my mom's heart; her blonde haired little girl, gone). Snowboarding was the only way of life and a skateboard always in tote, even though I never got all that good. I never missed a party or a chance to have a good time or a good punk show. I did not like a lot of things most people would consider "girly"; I hated purses (I carried a wallet), thought shopping was a waste of time, heels...you could forget about it! I had friends that were girls but outside of those, I did not connect with a lot of girls. If you didn't snowboard, skate or do anything that required getting dirty and the outdoors, in my mind, I had nothing in common with you. The last thing I wanted to talk about was clothes, decorating, having babies and what my wedding day would look like. And do not get me started on the girl's at parties that wore the most revealing clothes just to get the guys' attention. If you did not have a personality to get you noticed, then I just felt bad for you because all you were going to get was "humped and dumped". Most of my friend's were guys because I felt most comfortable talking with them. We could talk about football, snowboarding and other similar things.
When I became a Christian and started going to church, I felt the gap between other women and I widen even more! I looked around and did not see another girl with piercings on their face, snowboard clothes or any indicators of those with an "alternative" lifestyle. I was embarrassed of anything considered truly feminine. I had created a lifestyle and mindset that because of the extra curricular activities I partook in there was not a whole lot of room for femininity. I thought the idea of being feminine was a weakness and altogether bore a vapid exterior; feminine women were sheep and had no originality. Slowly I conformed to being more of what I thought was a girl. I bought a pair of heels and more feminine clothes but still felt out of place and my mindset towards women had not changed all that much. I learned to respect and get along more with other women who I did not initially have much commonality with. Finally it hit me, I realized there had to be other girls out there that felt the same way. Girls who loved the outdoors and sports, but did not have other female friends to share these interests with and much to my surprise, there were a lot of girls like this!! So I started up groups like a girl's outdoor group and more recently within the snowboard community, collaborated with other female riders to create an actual unified and cohesive community.
For those of you who have known me within the last few years, you probably find this blog as a shock simply because I love hanging out with girls these days! I do not care what your interests are or where you come from, I sincerely love being around women. I have found there is a dynamic when women stop judging one another, comparing themselves or singling out based on appearance or interests. I have learned to become comfortable and love being a woman! I love shopping and clothes, but I also love the outdoors and do not mind rolling up my sleeves for hard work. I have learned there is no ONE way to be a woman outside of loving yourself! Enjoy who you were created to be and do not limit your thinking by contorting your ideas of what something should be. Looking back, if I continued on my path of limited thinking, I would not have some of the friendships I have now because I would have automatically written them off. How crazy is that?! So in summation, I think people have commented on my transformation because I have embraced the beauty of womanhood instead of casting it off. Plus, since my partying days I have dropped some pounds, so that may have helped, lol. Either way, love being a woman, ladies--it is what you were born to be! Much love to you all!
I cannot tell you how many times I have found myself within the academic circle and have been told that science is one's religion. In essence, they are making the assertion that their faith system is based upon scientific discovery and observation. Personally, despite possible popular opinion, I love science! In fact, I have wanted to be a geologist for years but mathematics is not my strong suit so I went with my other academic passion: history and philosophy. As a Christian, despite popular opinion, I believe science and God make a wonderful union. Science and God for centuries went hand in hand and some would say that in earlier times religion was science. The pendulum started to swing in the opposite direction and the two split most noticeably during the Enlightenment, which in all honesty, I am sympathetic towards. For centuries, religion (especially in Europe) was the dominant power force; breeding corruption and controlling the people to pursue its own agenda that was not always theologically based. But my blog is not that of a historical inquiry, yet a philosophical one. I have been thinking of this phrase "science is my religion" and had a string of thoughts. Now bear with me, this is a matter of philosophical opinion and my goal is not even to debunk this phrase in question, yet shed some introspective light. The goal of science through the scientific method is to continually disprove until one can no longer disprove and hopefully this leads to facts or laws. As we all can agree, science is a constantly evolving thing in the sense that it is always progressing. What scientists knew about the body in the 1600's is not what we know today, yet people considered these ideas during that century as truth, until it was debunked or new discovery sprang forth. This same idea will be relevant a hundred years from now; the scientific evidence many adhere to as truth now may very well be discredited in the future. So here is my question: if science is an evolving/progressive area of study, is it possible to say that the beliefs one asserts as truth now could very well be wrong, based on the pattern of science in years past? Let me iterate, I am not saying that all science is wrong or that you, the reader, is wrong. For most of us, even within the faith realm, a majority of our knowledge is received. Most of us are not in the trenches discovering these ideas or truths nor have first-hand experience, so we are placing trust into the hands of professionals who have doctorate degrees to inform the populous. I used to laugh and say that many atheists think they are scientists and a lot Christians think they are theologians. I can even reconcile that religion and sects of religion have changed dramatically over the years based upon interpretation, but the one thing that remains is God's word to reference. I remember reading a quote by C.S. Lewis some time back and it was not until recently I understood its tenets. He said, “A young man who wishes to remain a sound atheist cannot be too careful of his reading". I do not think even the atheist can argue with this statement, because its nature is truth. If science is what one ascribes to, one best be careful of what they adopt as truth or fact. Without an anchor in which to return to in reference to one's belief system, one is susceptible to the research of other individuals, who could turn out to very well be wrong. Just a thought...
Okay, okay if the social network world has not yet been bombarded with the news of our engagement, here's another piece to add to the pie. You annoyed yet? Probably, but we are getting asked about the details of how the proposal came to fruition so what better way to divulge the gossip other than another social networking site?
Friday, September 7th marked our one-year anniversary and it was bestowed upon Matt to plan our date for the evening. He already revealed to me that the origin of the date was going to take place up at Bogus Basin (Boise's hottest local ski resort). We both have history up there, for I have worked on the mountain for ten years now and we have also had other dates on the patio of the Pioneer Lodge, watching meteor showers and engaging in wonderful conversation. Now mind you, I had in the back of my head that this could be the night of a proposal but the one thing that had me a bit hung up was the issue of a ring. I did not know how he could afford a ring, because for those of you who know us, this summer has been a time of excruciating job hunting (which ended successfully by the way), but I knew he did not have the finances to purchase a ring yet, little did I know, he's had the ring since February!! So, Friday afternoon Matt picks me up in good chivalric fashion and we ascend the mountain to our destination: the Pioneer Lodge.
We park and walk around the side of the lodge to go up on the back patio and much to my surprise, at the foot of the stairs, awaits our friend David Glick, dressed to kill (he's single ladies). He escorts us to the patio where a table was set with linens, wine/water glasses, silverware, wild flowers, the whole works. We are both given two pre-made menus describing what the 3-meal course would consist of, along with a bottle of wine. David waited generously on us, bringing us our food and taking our dishes; a great server indeed! Tiramisu was brought out for dessert, as I chomp down my first few bites, I happen to glance over to where the stairs meet the patio only to find a familiar face: my Beagle Chester!! In his delight, he runs over to me for a warm embrace all the while I notice a ribbon adorned around his neck along with a bow tie. In my disbelief I feel the ribbon to find a ring attached to the end. As I turn around, I see Matt smiling and he asks me to stand while he gets on one knee. Right as he is about to propose I glance over and see his wonderful sister-in-law Steph filming the whole scene. As I say yes to the man of my dreams, Steph comes over (who is a professional photographer, check her out on fb @ Stefani Marie Photography) and takes several shots of our special moment. Our friend Kody was in on the plot as well, helping as the animal tamer and all along I felt bad thinking David had to hang out by himself while we ate! ha!
As the sun set, Steph got some photos of us on the Bitterroot Chair lift and our friends left us to celebrate and soak up this monumental time in our lives! He definitely planned well and it was a proposal so unique to us and to who I am as a person. Matt said he knew he had to incorporate Chester and Bogus into the proposal somehow, well, you did great babe and I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you!
Today marks my ten year high school reunion anniversary and unfortunately I will not be able to attend, perhaps I will be make it to the twenty year milestone. Considering this fact that it has been ten years since I have roamed the halls of Meridian High as a student, I have been in a state of nostalgia the past few days. Remembering old times, friends and memories as well as reflecting on the years in between. Ten years can really change a person and even though there are days where you feel not a lot has ultimately changed, hindsight takes a knock at your door. Joyce Meyer once said, "I may not be where I want to be, but thank God I am not where I use to be", now I admittedly had a blast in high school a majority of the time and I contribute much of that to the group of crazy friends I held close. Most days I did not care what people thought of me, but I still did my best to get along with most people- although I was not always successful, I mean what is high school without a little bit of drama, right? It is the years post high school that have been most fulfilling in hindsight and have been paving the way for what the future has in store for me. Since school, I have become a Christian that understands the value of a relationship with God and that it is not through ritual, works or even the church that grants me belonging, yet in Christ alone. I have gotten to serve people in the streets of New York by hearing their stories, feeding them and praying life over them. I have prayed with Senators in the offices of the most important buildings in our country in Washington, D.C. I have been all over our own city serving the community, our homeless and in the halls of high school and college campuses meeting with students encouraging them in their pursuit of life and God. I have networked and helped in the uniting of women in our outdoor communities, especially in local women's snowboarding (No Bunnies!). I lived a summer in the Denali National Park in Alaska. Currently I am working on my degree in History and English to later get my teaching certificate in Secondary Ed so I can work in alternative high schools. Later, ideally I would love a Master's in the study of apologetics because C.S. Lewis and Ravi Zacharias are some of my hero's and if life allows me, a Ph.D. Eventually I would like to work more extensively in ministries involved in the rescue of women in sex trade industries. I am dating my best friend, Matt Roper and I cannot wait to see what God has in store for our future together. So in hindsight, I have come a long way, seeing and doing a lot and God-willing, this is just the beginning. Ultimately, I have learned the accomplishments I have made along the way are not for my benefit, but to give God glory and help those around me- "Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name goes all the glory for your unfailing love and faithfulness" Ps 115:1. To the rest of my fellow MHS classmates, remember what was in the past is in the past, do not be afraid to give second chances or third ones for that matter. Be brave and courageous as you pursue your life, never let the opinions of others alter the course of your life because each one of your lives carry influence and purpose, you never know whose life you are changing. Do not compare your achievements or accomplishments to those around you because each one of us are called to different areas of influence, so never forsake where you are at now. Love deeply, show compassion towards the trespasses of others, offer forgiveness and dream big, even if some dreams do not transpire, at least you are dreaming. Always give 100% and serve others when you can. It is more than looking at the glass half full or empty, but instead living with purpose. No one can do what you were born to do, so love who you are and what you were created to do! Love you Class of 2002!
The past few years have been an interesting time in my walk with Christ, droves of ups and downs and insecurities have crept in. Never have I doubted God, yet I have felt a distance and for awhile I have been attempting to pinpoint, justify and cast out confusion about where I got lost. My story is not that of the prodigal son, but I felt lost in the sense of belonging. It was not until this past Sunday in church, the culprit of my frustration was exposed. The pastor spoke about how the world and even the church will tell us that if we "do" enough, it will grant us worth and along with that worth comes belonging. I understand that it is not by our works we are saved but by grace; see Ephesians 2:8. What I do understand about culture though is that we all want to belong somewhere and at many times will do what we need to in order to gain acceptance. I have never struggled with the thought about God's love for me or even self-worth but belonging is in a category of its own and rooted in caring about the perception of man.
I became a Christian about 7 or so years ago and never once have I regretted that decision, I am grateful for the new life and second chance I have been given. Most people who have known me for any length of time, would definitely agree I have changed for the better and hardly resemble the girl I once was, except for some goofiness I still can rock. When I became a Christian I certainly had a zeal to share about my new found faith and perhaps I lacked some wisdom in that zeal but the important thing was I had passion, joy and conviction. I went on to pursue ministry and did a 2-year internship with a church and it rocked my world- probably the second best decision I made in my life for it built a foundation of truth in me and I got to walk out my faith by serving. The problem started to arise upon my completion of the program and I had to be released into areas I was called to. I somewhat felt abandoned and without direction; I could not spend as much time serving within the church because I had gone back to college and had to work full time which also meant working Sundays as well. I began to have thoughts of negativity, thinking that I was only useful to the church if I could be there all the time. I placed my worth within the church and the measuring stick I used to calculate that worth with was by my works and since my works within the church were not what they use to be, my worth diminished. This was my thought process and it continued to be fed when I felt certain relationships become more distant. This made me feel alone; the only other community I wanted belonging in was the snowboard community and in many ways I did not fit in with that either so what is a girl to do?
I started creating worth by trying to create ways to serve without the church, almost to validate myself as a still active Christian despite not being able to go to church as often. Let's be honest though, that did not work because yes, the church is a building but I need the people who are the church. My epiphany hit me Sunday that I have been gathering acceptance from the wrong sources. The day I accepted Christ as my Savior, I immediately belonged to Him and it is through Him I have been granted worth. That does not change from day to day if I am being a "good" Christian or not, but because I belong to Him I have adopted His character which compels me to "do". His love compels me to live selflessly, to love unconditionally and live by faith and not circumstance. Some of you may not understand, but for some, I may have hit the nail on the head. You already belong! It does not matter what your position or status is, your belonging that matters and bears any substance comes from your Creator. No one can determine the course of your life, even when you plan it out, it is the Lord who determines our steps so listen to the One who holds that design for your life; Proverbs 16:9. Let me say that I do believe in the local church with all my heart, it is important to have one you are a part of, but do not attach your identity and sense of worth to anything but Christ- that goes for anything else: jobs, finances, hobbies, etc... all are fleeting and temporary. If you place your worth in those and all of a sudden those are taken away, you are left with a sense of worthlessness. I love snowboarding so much, but who I am is not rooted in it because if for some reason I was unable to snowboard again, I would not lose myself or identity. As cliche as is sounds I belong to Jesus and nothing else matters.
As you reach the age of 30, it is common for one to reflect on the past thirty years of life. No longer a twenties something, yet coming into a decade of what I consider establishment. I believe this is going to be a dynamic year for you and in many ways it already has been. This spring you finally finished the milestone of graduating college, not in underwater basket weaving but in Electrical Engineering, in which you should take immense pride in for this was no easy task. As your in the pursuit of finding your fit in the vast expanses of the career world, do not be discouraged. Economists and media project gloomy forecasts of unemployment rates and tough job markets, but there is something different for those who put their trust in Christ and in His Word. As a believer, you are not subject to circumstance, you are to practice faith. God has not put in you a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind, so even in the midst of darkness He has provided you with a lamp to guide your path. I know you are frustrated in some of life's circumstances, but today as I was thinking of you, God placed Jeremiah 29 on my heart and despite its continued use within Christian circles, it is a promise from God. His plans for you Matthew are for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope and as you seek Him earnestly, you will find Him. Do not let any clouds of frustration limit God's capacity and ability to move mightily in this season and chapter of life. He will restore your fortunes and bring you to the place He has planned for you.
As for entering into the thirties, there are some things you should know (Biblically) about the age and number 30. As most of us know, Jesus began his ministry at the age of 30 but he was not the only one; King David and Joseph also came into leadership at the age of 30 as well. Thirty is represented in the Hebrew as the letter "lamed" which is an ox goad or staff symbolizing authority, leadership or rulership. I am declaring and believing this for you Matthew; I believe thirty is going to be a year that you will enter in a position of authority, leadership and rulership. You are going to have authority in the places you go, not by your own doing but given by God, in fact, you already possess more than you realize but I see it. People are drawn to you Matt, you walk with integrity, wisdom and love. You are authentic in how you live and serve God and you are genuine. I have had the privilege of having you as a best friend for over six years and a confidant for the past nine months. You are the one I want to "do" life with and as your name means "gift from God" I truly see you as my gift from God. Happy 30th birthday my love- your life is just getting kick started and I am honored to hit the ground running with you. Love you and I declare all this in the name of Jesus, Amen.
